The ball is not yet in the tin cup

Posted: July 17, 2011 in Corruption, Expat foibles, Sport

Another Presidential award

Storm clouds were gathering today across the golf courses of South Jakarta as discontent widened over the performance of the President. The most common criticisms are that he is “out of touch” with those he represents, hasn’t made a decision in years and is not even exercising control over his direct subordinates as evidenced by recent revelations of their regularly failing to even remember what it was that he had told them to do.

Yes, things are looking bleak for Jakarta Interleague President, Bapak Jack Coldcall (BJC) and, to compound the damage, his long time Treasurer Paddy O’Finnion recently skipped the country just hours before his visa was withdrawn by the Department of Immigration at the request of KPK.

Sources in high places appear to indicate that O’Finnion was involved in hefty kickbacks during the tender process of a contract for the construction of an accommodation block for caddies nearby the world famous Jagorawi Course. Award, at an estimated contract value of 7.3 trillion Rupiah, was made to notoriously corrupt local building firm PT Amplop Coklat.

The new caddy shack

The accommodation facility which according to a PT Amplop Coklat spokesman is over 80 percent complete with only internal finishing works outstanding will have accommodation for up to 575 female caddies, from a number of courses in the near vicinity and feature two discotheques, numerous warungs and massage joints, a 100 seat Intenet Cafe, several salons and a number of what were described as “entertainment rooms”, with the whole thing seeming to presage an inevitably popular decision by local course management to convert to an all female caddy regime.

A Sentul Swingers team member told us, “This is long overdue as the characteristics we look for in a good caddy do not include an ability to read a green”.

Following his exit from the country, O’Finnion is believed to be in Singapore and living high on the hog and, to compound BJC’s discomfort, has been sending regular BBMs to press and other sources in Jakarta implicating a number of BJCs inner circle, most notably PDI-Sandbaggers faction leader and House committee member, Bapak Darell and Orange Faction Leader, Jean van der Battles.

A Presidential spokesperson speaking on terms of anonymity, due largely to his sitting on an Eastern Promise bar stool at the time, said that “”invisible hands” had spread text messages containing libelous statements and false allegations” and that “the Minister of Communications, Information, Water Wells, Traffic Lights and things that Go Bump in the Night, had been told to get off his lazy arse and stop all this shit”.

In the unlikely event that the Minister actually remembers BJC’s instruction, he will have to bear in mind that more than 200 million people hereabouts rely on text messaging and are unlikely to be best pleased by anyone buggering about with the system.

So, with Presidential elections coming up in October and BJC not without supporters due to his unfailing personal honesty and capacity for making speeches without the benefit of a microphone, the field is still open; golf is a game of two halves and the ball is not yet in the tin cup, Brian.

  1. Cinere Birdie Warrior says:

    Is this a metaphor?

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