Kemang macet banget, Pak
The NottheJakartaPost is pleased to announce the appointment of its first Restaurant Critic. While he doesn’t know too much about food, he does know what he likes and doesn’t cost us very much, 50% of the cost of all authorised and properly receipted meals taken in fact. Never mind, the arrangement makes us both happy.
This morning he chanced his arm by heading for one of the largest traffic jams in Jakarta, or Kemang as it is sometimes known, and later filed this report.
Open now for just a few months, Bangers and Mash, is just the sort of ridiculous thing you almost expect to find in Kemang these days, in this case a cafe modelled along British lines and offering firm favourites like the all day British Breakfast, fish and chips and indeed the eponymous Bangers and Mash and much more of what they label “comfort food”.
Also on offer are lots of Scottish stuff like Haggis and Scotch eggs and God knows what else though not, as far as I could find out, the infamous Scottish deep fried Mars bar; it is clear, however, that the place has a strong North of the Border influence.
For my first visit, I just had to try their Great British Breakfast, just as well as we were told that the Steak and Kidney pie I also fancied was “habis” and more only”lagi dibikin”. Yep, all the pies and much else are “home made” for heaven’s sake, God knows where they get their pigs from.
Sorry, had made a start before remembering to take a photo!
The GBB was well cooked and presented and the taste of the pork sausages after six months without any was quite divine and the bacon just as good.
Only disappointment in fact was that the Indonesian idea of how toast should be made seemed to hold sway, ie place a round of bread approximately 10 cm away from a 50 watt light bulb and hold it there for a full 5 seconds. Buy a fucking toaster for Christ’s sake, they’re only 200,000 roops or something in Carrefour.
The place is a little spartan, just like what it is imitating in fact, but spotlessly clean and the crew were attentive, efficient and friendly without being intrusive and operated well even (especially?) in the absence of an expat.
If you need a cholesterol shot from home without damaging your wallet overmuch then give them a go, well worth a visit. We will be back to try out the pies just to confirm they are as tasty to eat as they were to look at. What a job. See ya.
PS for cricket followers who did’t see what G. Boycott had to say in his Daily Telegraph e-mail report this morning then here is an extract.
Cook has legendary powers of concentration, discipline and the ability to accumulate runs. But there was a moment in the afternoon when I did not think it unreasonable for someone to have said to him you need to look to be a bit more positive.
Bring me the sick bag, Alice, I could take this from just about anyone but the Yorkshire Mouth, the man who ALWAYS put his own personal statistics above the interests of any team he happened to be playing for, not least England. Twat.
NOT the Jakarta Post 
Buying a toaster in Carrefour could be a mistake.
Our Phillips model gave up after some 18 years usage, so we popped into our local mega-hyper-active mart to get a new one. They only had one model, a strangely named Denpoo. A lass plugged it in and reported that it had got hot, so we bought it. Some days later we tried it out and discovered that ‘hot’ was the wrong word. ‘Lukewarm’ might have been better and not even stale bread would get crispy.
So we trundled back with our receipt, the guarantee and a couple of slices of bread. Oh, we were told, you have to send it back to Denpoo.
No we don’t, I said, we bought it here and you, Mr. Carrefour Manager, are responsible for selling shoddy goods. Do something now or I’ll blog about or, a lesser option, say something you on Metro TV.
The thing is, I was told, according to rules, as stated at the very bottom of the receipt under the total, we should have returned the item within seven days. It was, of course, the eighth. Whatever, after more palaver and testing the toaster with our thoughtfully supplied slices, Mr. Manager agreed to exchange out lump of useless gadgetery.
The one they still had on the shelf didn’t work either, so we agreed to settle for credit.
Checking the shelves a couple of weeks later, we spotted an Electrolux model, plus, of course, loads of Denpoos. We’ll take that one we told the five lasses milling around gossiping. You can’t they told us, it’s for display purposes only and it’s the only one we’ve got.
Screw that for a game of soldiers, I said in my best vbernacular, let’s test it. And, lo, it worked. It didn’t come with a box, and it’s nowhere as good as our old Phillips, but I can now start using up my stock of Marmite.
Personally, I would never buy anything with Poo in it, one trusts Bangers and Mash management is listening in to this priceless advice …. ED
Like the Cuckoo brand i saw gracing the shops in HCMC (Saigon to those not in the know). My rolling on the floor laughing took some explaining to the accompanying local. Yes Cuckoo is the name of a type of bird…. but it is also slang for an idiot – whether this is reference to the buyer remains to be clarified.
I won’t have anything said against cuckoos or indeed their nests ….. still the best movie ever made IMHO …..
OFOTCN is ok but The Shawshank Redemption still probably outranks it in the ‘best movie’ stakes…… IMVHO…. 🙂
This is an example for our esteemed editor on how a comments thread can veer way off topic.
I well remember watching OFOTCN at a cinema somewhere in London way back when and experiencing something which pirated DVDs can never produce.
When towards the end of the film, the ‘Big Fella’ wrenched the wash basin out of its setting, the entire audience stood as one and cheered.
I thought veering wildly off topic was what NTJP was all about 😉
Seems that you have him down to a tee.
And that is no reflection on the Editor’s golfing skills nor the Roop which are also known to veer wildly off kurs……
While not wishing to encourage the illicit hijacking of comment threads, I have to say that my first viewing was, by remarkable coincidence, also in a London cinema and like Jakartass’ experience, the audience participation at the final denouement was remarkable, though, being a Kingston upon Thames crowd, the sound of cheering was very nearly drowned out by the sound of the audience sobbing its collective heart out. And, remarkably, with beaming smiles on their faces at the same time.
Shawshank, very great movie though it is, could never beat that memory …… ED
PS I think I feel a movie post coming on …
Ah, yes, the tears. Of course, I’m too manly to have mentioned those, or that I’m lachrymose every time I watch ‘Love Story’.
Why do we put ourselves through such torment, eh? Is it art imitating life or the other way round?
Terrific post however I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this topic?
I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit
further. Thank you!