Archive for the ‘General’ Category

NtJP in brown envelope shock!!

Posted: September 5, 2011 in General

Indications from the Kemang Commercial Court are that, short of the odd brown envelope, the deal with Mata Pribadi will get approval this coming Friday.

While Mata Pribadi‘s plans are not yet in the public domain, we understand that they will be publishing a fortnightly satirical magazine and, given such a schedule is less likely to interfere with his golf, the Editor has indicated he may be willing to contribute to this brave new venture on a part-time basis. Looks like I may get a job too!!

Assuming that all goes well. the first issue of Mata Pribadi can be expected around 14th September we are given to understand. As they will by then have legal entitlement to our subscriber list, we guess that you can expect to hear from them then, if not before.

Mas Budi, IT Manager

Will cost me my virginity, ya!

Posted: August 6, 2011 in General

Selamat pagi semua, the Editor is now a guest in an undisclosed jail in East Jakarta and earlier sent me this e-mail. I plan to visit him this afternoon.

Mas Budi, this is costing me 20,000 roops to send on a handphone borrowed from the head honcho here, so don’t fuck up as I am told that failure to pay today will cost me my virginity, ya!

Bring me 200 Marlboro, 100,000 roops in small denomination bills, six cans of Anker and a can of Baygon, I was nearly eaten alive last night. Oh, and a bottle of ABC Sambal, the stuff here takes the enamel off your teeth. Better also bring some “uang kopi” to make sure I actually get the stuff.

Tell Tee Set I won’t be playing tomorrow and cancel my Jakarta Post for a week.

Give the weekend browsers something to read and put up the FUQs page that I have been working on; it is on the red thumb drive to the left of my monitor if Pak Polisi didn’t arrest it too.

Later, ED

He doesn’t seem very happy, he doesn’t usually swear, anyway. I have just put the Frequently Unanswered Questions page up, hope you understand it, it is quite beyond me.

Selamat Siang, Mas Budi, IT Manager

Editor in arraignment crisis!!!

Posted: August 5, 2011 in General

going, going, nearly gone?

For the Editor, yesterday was to prove to be a day of mixed fortunes as, after hitting his best ever round of 39-43-82 on the wonderful Rainbow Hills course and a fast journey both ways on a Jagorawi Tol where most of the fourth lane upgrade is in place, he had an unwelcome visit from Pak Polisi not long after he had broken his fast with a delicious Soto Ayam at his Kemang residence.

Following long questioning overnight at South Jakarta’s main police station, the Editor was arraigned this morning at the Kemang district courthouse with Judge Bapak Abdullah Yunus Sutjiati presiding.

In view of likely high interest in the matter, the courthouse issued a prompt verbatim  of the proceedings in Bahasa Indonesia. What follows therefore is a Google aided translation of that document, so bear in mind that the editor gave evidence in English which was translated by a court official who wrote it down in Indonesian before being translated back into English by us with the help of a programme that translates “Badan kami tidak enak” as our “bodies are not delicious”.

So, what does this all mean for you the reader apart I guess from the fact that you will not be reading too much of XXXXX 88‘s derring do in the future? Fortunately, it is the weekend coming up so we will be on break as usual and, inschallah, we will be able to consult with the Editor about what to do next week. We will keep you posted … Mas Budi, IT Manager

PS we called off the strike as soon as we heard of Bapak Editor’s arrest.

Editor in arrest shock!!!

Posted: August 4, 2011 in General

Do you know who I am?

The Editor was arrested a little earlier this evening and is currently in police custody. It is understood that he will be questioned by a judge tomorrow morning.

We expect to bring further news and analysis of the situation around midday tomorrow, Friday.

NtJP in moggok shock!!

Posted: August 3, 2011 in General

Not the Jakarta Post employees delivered a stinging rebuke to the journal’s management this evening in this statement e-mailed to the Editor at 17:30 today’ just as he was preparing to break his fast at Warung Budi on Rasuna Said.

“An unwelcome development at this stage of my organ’s development” was the great man’s immediate reaction, before finishing off a steaming bowl of his favourite Mie Rebus with egg and all the trimmings.

Kami semua marah sekali kepada Bapak, disebabkan harus kerja terus menerus tanpa tambahan dong.

Semua badan pegawai tidak enak.

Kecuali kalau kami bisa dapat lembur atau kami akan moggok

Roughly, according to Google, this means they are working too hard and want to be paid for overtime otherwise their bodies will not be delicious and ends with a threat to strike unless their condition is met.

The Editor has told them if they are not in the office at 06:00 sharp on Friday, then they should all consider themselves sacked. To be honest with you, the Editor is pretty knackered too after the excitement of the past few days and has decided to bugger off for the day tomorrow as he put it himself and will instead once again be testing out the Jagorawi Tol and the very lovely Rainbow Hill GC on behalf of readers.

See you Friday, mudah-mudahan

Blowing smoke up it?

The PAMEKASAN DISRICT COURT sentenced a woman to time served last Monday. Her crime was stealing a used sarong valued at Rp 3,000 (35 US cents).

The housemaid previously told the court that she stole the garment along with some rice to feed her child. Presiding Judge Rendra Yozar said that Amirah, 30, was sentenced to the time she spent in pre-verdict detention, three months and 24 days, to deter her from breaking the law in the future.

Amirah, whose husband died when her son was three years old, was tried under Article 362 of the Criminal Code for theft, which carries a maximum sentence of five years’ imprisonment.

HOUSE SPEAKER URGES FORGIVENESS FOR CORRUPTORS The Democratic Party’s Marzukie Alie suggests that “the people forgive all corruptors and ask them to bring their money from abroad, but we tax them” adding that “we are tired of the past”.

Three members of the AMADIYA SECT were murdered and dozens of others severely injured in February. Last week, after trial, the Serang District Court found the 12 defendants guilty of “inciting hatred” and sentenced them to between three and six months in jail. The judge defended the apparent lightness of the sentences by saying the defendants had shown remorse and had been “provoked” by the Amadiyah sect.

TOMMY SUHARTO Hutomo Mandala Putra aka “Tommy” Suharto was convicted and sentenced in 2002 to fifteen years jail for paying a hitman to kill Syafiuddin Kartasasmita, a Supreme Court judge who had convicted him of graft. “Tommy” was actually to spend a total of four years in detention.

Look like a criminal to you?

PRITA MULYASARI a 32-year old mother of two who was charged for defamation of the Omni International Hospital in Alam Sutra, Serpong for writing an e-mail scathing about what appeared to be appalling and inappropriate rent-seeking treatment at the hands of the hospital’s medical staff. She lost and was slapped with a fine of Rp 312 million (subsequently reduced to Rp 204 million) and jailed in Tangerang Penitentiary for three weeks in early 2009.

There have been numerous twists and turns since, primarily as a result of Facebook activism and the astonishing “Coins for Prita” campaign, however, the Supreme Court recently ruled in the hospital’s favour and Tangerang’s chief prosecutor, Chaerul Amir, gleefully told the Jakarta Post recently that “he was ready to imprison the mother of three <for six months> just as soon as official notification of the verdict was received”.

Finally, newly appointed JAKARTA “TOP COP” Gen. Untung S. Rajab said last week that “I have no specific targets to achieve during my tenure”. This may be of comfort to some, if only those planning to steal a 3,000 rupiah sarong.

Georgia on my mind

Posted: August 1, 2011 in General

There is clearly a trust issue around local government in Pondok Indah.  Almost 50% of those voting in our quiz on the guilty party in the massive cheating going on in school examination results that we reported Saturday chose the home of the elite in South Jakarta as the likely culprit with Kuningan and Slipi only a distant second and third respectively.

In fact the guilty school district involved was Atlanta, Georgia in the good ‘ole US of A, so that should be a useful lesson in the dangers of jumping to conclusions.

After the recent expat sniffiness here over the revelations of systemic cheating in at least some Indonesian schools and how it was “no more or less than one could expect”, I guess Joe Expat might take a humble pill and go to bed early.

The NtJP recommends “follow the money” as the way to get to the heart of any issue in Indonesia. It appears to work in Georgia also with all the cheating, at bottom, intended to secure extra funds from the “no child left behind” programme, one of the few George W legacies of which he might reasonably be proud.